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How to Apologize and How to Say Thanks

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 How Not To Apologize

There Are Some Rules For Apologies.  These Rules Are Very Important~!  They Are the Same Rules For Thank-You’s.  I Didn’t Make Up these Rules, But I Learned Them From a Very Successful Sales Manager at a Retail Store.

Always Let Thank-You’s Be Thank-You’s and Apologies Be Apologies.
For the Sake of Privacy, I’m Omitting Some of the Details Here, But Basically I Unintentionally Hurt Someone’s Feelings.  I Apologized, But I Also Added in My Rationalization.  I Blew the First Go-Round at Apologizing.  I Said, “I Apologize”  (that Should Have Been it, and the End of this Story).
But, I Had to Add Something to it, to Rationalize, to Justify My Actions.  Someone Was Watching the Golf Channel and I Just Up and Put in a DVD, (or So it Seemed to the One that Got Offended).  This Person Left the Room in a Huff and Went to Sit Outside On the Front Porch Swing.

Obviously, they Were Wounded, So I Went Outside to Apologize.  So, Let’s Just Jump in to Hear What I Said, “I Didn’t Know the TV Screen Would Take Over What You Were Watching, and Don’t You Recall Me Asking ‘How Do You Change the Source’.”

 How to Apologize, “

They Did Remember Me Asking this Question; But Did Not Know What I Meant by it, And they Ranted and Raved About Not Being as Smart as Me with ALL these New-Fangled Gadgets.  This Probably Came Across More Like an Accusation, “So this Compounded the Problem.  Now, I’ve Offended Him Twice. 

And then I Said, “I Thought You Were Joking, if I Had Known that You Were Serious, I Would Not Have Put in the DVD.”  I Wanted to Say, “Well, Why Didn’t You Speak Up,” But that Might Be Going too Far, if the Peer Pressure Was that Strong, then Perhaps He Didn’t Feel that He Could Have Spoken Up, or that We’d Honor Him.  He Was Taking Offense.  When You Take Offense You’re Not Being Thankful, and You Get Deceived, (Romans 1:21).  True Love Always Believes the Best of Others, (1 Corinthians 13:4-8); and Would Say, “It Was Probably Not Your Intentions to Offend Me, But My Feelings Got Hurt,” and then Offer Them a Way to Save Face, a Way Out ~ Ephesians 4:29 in the Amplified Bible Classic Edition Says it Well ~

Let No Foul or Polluting Language, Nor Evil Word Nor Unwholesome or Worthless Talk [Ever] Come Out of Your Mouth, But Only Such [Speech] as is Good And Beneficial to the Spiritual Progress of Others, as is Fitting to the Need And The Occasion, that it May Be a Blessing And Give Grace (Yahweh’s Favor) to Those Who Hear it.

Insecurity is Also Another Selfish Spirit Working Behind the Scenes, that Was Probably the One Offering Him The, “Get Offended” Bait.

Apologize ~ Not Rationalize

This Apology Was Poor at Best and He Said Grudgingly, “That’s Okay, it Just Hit Me the Wrong Way.”  I Sat On the Front Porch For About 1-2 Minutes More.  Not Another Word Was Spoken, and He Was Still Swinging Fast and Furious.  I Had Done ALL that I Knew to Do, Still there Had Been No Forgiveness.  I Felt Led to Leave.  Even a Cousin Came Over to Visit and Still He Remained Brooding On the Porch.  He Was Offended, (to Read More About Taking Offense, Click On this Link).

A Visiting Friend, Must Have Been Sensitive to the Situation and She Went Out there Later On, and Spent About 10-15 Fifteen Minutes with Him and Eventually they Both Came Back In Together.
So, Before I Left I Knew I Needed to Apologize Again.  For Real, and Take the Fault.  It Was My Fault~!  It Would Have Been Common Courtesy Just to Ask Him, “Do You Mind if We Play a DVD”?  Then We Would Have Found Out When He Would Tell Us that He Really Enjoys Watching Golf, (We Would Have Been Surprised, But Would Have Gladly Honored Him and Kept the TV On the Golf Channel).  I Realized My Mistake Immediately.  I Had Not Valued Him as a Person Whose Decision Mattered, (and to Top it All, This Was His Home, I Should Have Already Been in the Submissive Role, Allow Him to Have the Best Seat, Watch the Programs He Liked, etc).
A Soft Answer

Okay, So I Went Again as We Were Leaving and Hugged Him Good-Bye and this Time I Said with Purity of Heart, “I Apologize For Interrupting Your Golf, I Should Have Asked First.”  He Said, “That’s Alright,” and I Felt closure.  Success~!  He Didn’t Go Off Ranting and Raving About How, “It Hit Him Wrong.”  But, Expect that~!  Expect Them to Throw the Mistakes You Have Made Back in Your Face, Even Though You Are Apologizing to Them For these Very Mistakes.

When You Offer Your Most Sincere, Deepest Heartfelt Apology and Put Your Vulnerability On the Line, Expect Them to Come Back with Some Tort or Some Barb.  Expect This, and Don’t Interrupt Them at ALL.  Let Them Go For their Full 2-5 Minutes, or Longer.  If You Interrupt Them, then they Will Start Over Again Until they Feel Like they’ve Had their Say.  You Be Quiet~!  Don’t Say Another Word.  Anything More Will Only Lead to Strife.

Just Like in Sales, Be Quiet.  Whoever Speaks Next Owns the Product.  You Don’t Want to Own this Product, You’re Trying Sell or to Convince Them to Take their Part.  If they Walk Away or Take a Considerably Long Time, Let Them Walk Away and Give Them Time For the Holy Ghost to Talk to them, and Time for Them To Mediate On What You’ve Said, (Give Them a Way Out.  Speak Only Such Speech that Will Give Grace to Those Who Hear it, (Ephesians 4:29).  Be Ready For that Also by Having Something to Say Such as, (“Well, I Genuinely Apologize, and if You Can See it in Your Heart to Forgive, I Would Be Blessed,” (Proverbs 17:1; 9; 14; 19; 27-28).  (See Also Proverbs 26:20-24).


Never Add On to the Apology~!

The Scriptures Tell Us in Philippians 2:3-4 3 “Let Nothing Be Done Through Strife or Vainglory; But in Lowliness of Mind Let Each Esteem Other Better than Themselves. 4 Look Not Every Man On His Own Things, But Every Man Also On the Things of Others.”

If You Add Anything at ALL to an Apology, (Such as, “I Apologize, But it’s My Irish Temper, or it’s that Time of the Month, or We Were Busy,” “I Was Misinformed”), then You’re Putting the Blame On Someone Else, and it’s Worse When You Say, “But, You Just Get Me So Mad,” Because Now, it’s Their Fault that they Were Mistreated.  Oops.  You Might as Well Say, “Well, I Apologize But it Was Not My Fault, Because The Light Bulb Burned Out in My Refrigerator and I Had to Go Home and Change it.”

This Retail Store Trained Me.  Consistently For Nine Months, I Was the Highest Thank-You Sender and Also the Highest Repeat Business, and Also My Sales Manager Noted in Meetings that there Were a Lot of Customers Commenting About My Thank-You Cards, and Had Me Address the Sales Force Twice.

Never Once is it Appropriate to Say Anything in a Thank-You Other than Thank-You; or to Offer a Rationalization as to Why You Did What You Did in an Apology. If You’re Apologizing, that Means You’re Taking the Blame.  So, Take ALL the Blame For their Sakes, (Unless You’ll Be Sent to Jail For a Crime You didn‘t Do).  Often Times, Weeks, Months or Years Later They’ll Come Back and Tell You they Were Partly to Blame, But Even if they Don’t Come to You; Accept Full Responsibility Because in their Eyes they Are So Consumed that You Are Wrong, and the Perceived Cause of their Problems Already. they Are Being Held Captive in their Minds. You Have the Power to Release Them From this Bondage.

The Scriptures Tell Us in Philippians 2:3-4 3 “Let Nothing Be Done Through Strife or Vainglory; But in Lowliness of Mind Let Each Esteem Other Better than Themselves. 4 Look Not Every Man On His Own Things, But Every Man Also On the Things of Others.”

Here is the Road Map To Success from the Scriptures
2 Timothy 2:24-26

24 The Lord’s Servant Must Not Quarrel, But Be Gentle Towards All, Able to Teach, Patient,
25 In Gentleness Correcting Those Who Oppose Him: Perhaps God May Give Them Repentance Leading to a Full Knowledge of The Truth,
26 and They May Recover Themselves Out of The Devil’s Snare, Having Been Taken Captive by Him to His Will.
Thank-You’s that Add Addition Remarks Back Fire~!

Perhaps, You Think of Yourself as Being a Sales Friend and Giving Them Some Insider Trading Information On UpComing Sales.  However, Don’t Write or Say, “Thanks For Dropping by.  It Was So Very Pleasant to See You and Your Husband So-n-So.  I Know it Would Be Just Even More Pleasing to See Your Husband Reclining by the Sofa Listening to the New Triple X-Plus Receiver that Goes On Sale For Only One Day Only Next Friday.  These Will Go Quick, and I’d Hate to See You Miss Out On Such a Great Opportunity.  Hope to See You there~!  7 a.m. Sharp, Come Early as We Only Have a Few in Stock~!

After a Few Days Past When You Think that they’ve Gotten the Thank-You Note You Might Want to Write or Call Them and Just Let Them Know About a Sale, But Even then Be Quick and Exit Early.  You’re Just Informing Them.  If they Come In, then Show Them the Product.

Otherwise, No, Not Even Once is it Okay to Add Anything Other Than, “Thanks” to The, “Thank-You” Card~!  It is Not Okay~!  Take Notes as Soon as they Leave.  Get their Names and Write Them Down as Soon as they Are Out of Your Sight, Watch What they Are Interested in and Make Your Thank-You Replete with these Resplendent Details Referring to their Names or Specific Things they Enjoyed.  Also, Include, “Birthday Cards,” “Sympathy Cards,” “Get Well Cards.”  Let Your Motives Be Pure and Your Cards Reflect that.  If You Only Want to Send Them a, “Birthday Card,” So that they Will Remember You, Don‘t Send that Card.

Write Your Thank-You Card as Soon as they Leave if You Have Time, or Schedule it For For the End of Every Day Every Day at a Certain Appointed Time Referring to Your Notes.  Get Your Notes, and Write the Thank-You Card, and Send Right Away.  Don’t Wait a Day or So to Write it, or You’ll Forget Because You Have a Lot Other Customers in Between.


A Great Thank-You~!


First Name & Spouse’s First Name, Thanks For Your Purchase.
What a Pleasure it Was to Meet You and Your Daughters; (if You Know the Names, Insert their Names Here).  Thanks So Very Much For Purchasing the Clock Radio.  I Know that You’ll Get Many Good Years of Service From it.  If You Have a Problem with it, Please Free to Call Me and I’ll Help in Anyway that I Can.  Again, Thanks.
Your Name

This Was a True Story, (I Sold a $98.00 Clock Radio.”  My Commission Was Very Small).  However, He Came Back Because He Said, that, “I Remembered So Many Details About Him and His Family.”  And Bought a Full Stereo and Also a Color TV, (and This Time the Commission Check Was a Lot More Money~!)
I Would Stay in the #4 to #9 Sales Position in Rank.  However, Our Store Manager Made Us Keep Track of Our Thank-You Notes, So This is a Fact that I Was #1 in Thank-You Notes Sent, and #1 In Repeat Business.  It Stands to Reason that if I Had Stayed On, then Eventually I Would Be Consistently #1 in Sales Also as I Was Consistently Going Up in Repeat Business Because of the Thank-You Notes.  Thank-You’s Are that Important~!

For More On Giving Thanks Click On this Link


Grade Your Thank-You

How Would You Rate The, “Thank-You” that You Have Sent?

Did it Meet The, “Let Your Thank-You’s Be Just Thank-You’s” or Were there Other Potential ‘Barbs’ in There?  Did You Show that You Appreciate Them as a Person?  Could He or She Detect that You DeValued their Pajama Sizing or Gift Choosing Ability For the Ninth Year in a Row?, (They Can Read Between the Lines if You Say Something Smart Aleck Like, “I’ll Add this to the Other Pajamas that You Sent Last Year, and the Year Before that”; You’ve Just Made the Thank-You Not Only Worthless, But Started a Reason For Them to Be Offended).

You Have to Guard Your Heart, Not Your Mouth.  “For Out of The Abundance of The Heart, The Mouth Speaks”, (Matthew 12:33-34; Luke 6:45).  Honor Could Have Been Missing in Regards to these Matters, and it Will Show Up On in the Way You Express Yourself.  Get Your Heart Right About Them First, Make Sure You’re Walking in Love and the Speech or Text Will Follow Appropriately.

Kind Words

 Editor’s Notes: (Probably Better to Say Negative Things in the Air So that They’ll Disappear, and Put Down On Paper the High Words of Affirmation that You Want Them to Rehearse in their Minds Over and Over Again, Unless You’re Giving Them a Performance Review at Work Where there Are Specific Things You Want Them to Address and Correct.  But, That’s in a Relationship Where You’re an Authority in their Lives and Not Considered at Equals.  Even So, Fathers and Mothers Have Greater Consideration For Your Sons and Daughters than to Publish in Print Criticisms of Them).  See Gary Smalley’s Book On, “The Language of Love”, (You Can Often Buy the First Edition For One Cent with the Total Price of $4.00).

You May Not See Anything Wrong with What You Wrote, So Please Consider This.  Allow Someone that Has a Different Personality than You to Read Over Your Thank-You’s Before You Send Them. 
P.S. Never Send a Thank-You Note On Email.  Anything that You Want to Encourage Someone with is Worth spending the Time, (Even if You Have to Make Time, and Get Up Earlier in the Morning) and the Money to Buy a Real Card For.  Something they Can Have and to Hold, (it Will Mean More).  After they Have Received the Card, then You Can Reiterate the Thank-You in the Email, Perhaps Describing How You Found the Gift Useful or their Thoughtfulness and Use Specific Detail Showing How You Thought that they Were Thoughtful.  Real Words that Folks Will Ponder Over and Over Again Belong in Writing~!


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